Mafia Gazette Past Issue 79
The Mafia Gazette Issue 79 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 7th March 'DETROIT LOCKDOWN ' By: Theyesman Recently there has been a development of a lockdown on the city of Detroit. A lockdown is where a crew or many crews band together and don’t allow anyone else into the city on penalty of death. A lockdown therefore makes the city a safe haven for those crews involved. This is due to there being no random wacking or mugging, and it also stops the bar spam. However, if no mention of a lockdown has been spoken, innocent Mafioso’s can be gunned down. One citizen affected by this spoke out on the streets on Sunday, claiming that they didn’t know about the lockdown. This individual managed to escape with a near fatal wound, however others may not be so lucky. Currently there are three crews banding together to make Detroit safe, these are:- The Midnight Society, The Carbonari Family and Sindacato di Respetto. Their respected goal is to “make Detroit a safe place for all comers, a place in which you can have a drink in a local bar and not have to duck bullets. A place where you can carry your wallet in your back pocket and not have to worry about being pick pocketed”. One Mafioso who is against lockdowns, feels that “hate them or hate them, they just keep popping up, and it makes me want to eat my own liver with a rusty fork”. A former made man, who was helping in the lockdown of Detroit before being killed, yet felt that even though he took part in it, that the lockdown would probably not work. However so far, the lockdown is working well, and there has been a big decrease in the amount of random deaths and muggings. If the crews involved stick together there will be enough manpower to keep Detroit secure, and as long as everyone knows about the lockdown, no innocents will suffer. 'BANK SWINDLE CAUSES NEAR RIOT ' By: BluffMaster People were out on the streets yesterday chanting ANTI BANK slogans being led by Mr. Puck, a renowned citizen, who himself was holding a "Say No to Extortion" sign. These people were either victims or supporters of the victims of undue charged bank interest. Some of them even claimed that the bank had charged them a complete 20% of interest on their transaction. Mr. Puck pointed out that such outrageous bank interest charges would mean paying twice as much as it should actually be. He also threatened Mr. PauloDinardoJr, for being the reason he had faced such loss. When questioned about the bankers by our reporter, Mr. Puck responded like a true businessman and said.. "About the bankers? It's an interesting one...killing them all would be perfect but of course, we can't. There's always the option of investing money which is the way I'll be going." He also pointed out that even though there were ways of getting around them, he wouldn't use them as he was an honest businessman. Presently the streets seem to have settled down about this issue after their almost 5 hour protest. We'll be getting back to you with further developments in this issue, if any. 'FIRST ANNUAL SOAPBOX COMPETITIONS ' By: Tea_Jenny The beginning of march saw the opening of the first annual soapbox competition. There was quite an impressive turnout at the event with a unique selection of soapboxes. First up was Shi-Tzu-Powow, who started off with some very impressive somersaults over what could only be described as a rather plain and disappointing soapbox. Soon followed by releasing a bag of poisonous snakes into the crowd, causing many of them to be shipped off to St MoneyZebs, 2 of them are still critical. All but one of these snakes were recovered, anyone discovering the creature is advised to run as quickly as possible in the other direction and not look back, as it is inclined to biting, which is soon followed by being carted to St MoneyZebs and being forced to watch the fish.. Next to take the stand was Witchyness, who blinded the crowd with her dramatically overdone pinkness.. pink dress, shoes, bag, hat and soapbox. She provided the crowd with a bit of entertainment when she disappeared down through her soapbox after jumping up and down on it, but not even this could make up for her earlier attempt at singing. After Witchy limped away to get her soapbox mended, TSL appeared waving around a perfectly ordinary soapbox claiming it did some amazingly extra ordinary things. He then started running around with a chainsaw when no one believed him. Next up was Tech1 with his abstract art soapbox, silencing the crowd as they wondered what the hell he was talking about. Peter_Manfredo_Jr's well planned performance did not go well at all, he made his way to the stage, jumped on his soapbox and landed on his backside, the crowd found this highly amusing as they laughed him off the stage.. He will be released from St MoneyZebs next week after extensive mental therapy. Witchy returned from the soapbox shop, promising the crowd a display of fireworks, which eventually turned out to be one firework, which 50% of the crowd missed anyway. Next up were shit and Tie, shit placed the soapbox on his head and played trumpet.. impressing the crowd until Tie stole the attention when he turned up wearing nothing but his soapbox.. TSL, still annoyed that no one believed that his soapbox could do all those ridiculous things, cut Ties soapbox in two.. Giving the crowd a good view of all as Tie run away covering his private parts with a very red face. After that TSL went crazy, chasing Totally Guitarded (the organiser of the event) down an alleyway with his chainsaw.. with TheNephilim on his back, who was confused thinking that TSL was indeed his soapbox. The chase continued down the alleyway until TG decided to keep the man under control.. they reappeared from the alleyway moments later with her gun precisely pointed at a delicate area of his.. He soon calmed down.. apart from one instance where he annoyed Witchy and had a broomstick forcefully inserted in his nose for his trouble. In the end, to put a stop to the madness that had taken over the competition TG proclaimed herself and her neon pink soapbox as winner due to the lack of good competition. Overall, apart from the snakes, bad singing and chainsaw wielding maniac.. it was a good day with minimal injuries and fatalities. 'BODYGUARD BOYCOTT ' by Sunami Many people over the last few days have been ranting and raving over the fact that there seems to be no Bodyguards after a job anymore! A workplace shortage that could last for a while, putting the lives of many at risk...or could it? As a reporter looking into this matter, I went down to the local Bodyguard Shop in Miami to investigate. To my surprise, hundreds of Bodyguards had swarmed the outside of the building, holding up posters with slogans such as ‘Respect for Bodyguards’ written all over them with colourful inks. Some even with glitter. One memorable one had both. One young gentleman was perched up on a large wall next to the building starting a chant and waving a flaming flag over his head. As I approached the building, I managed to secure an interview with Nelson Given, one of the aforementioned flag-burning, glitter-loving slackers. “Nelson, thanks for taking out the time to talk to me. What’s going on here?" “We’re holding a boycott to protest the lack of respect for bodyguards.” “Hold on, I have to take this moment to ponder my cuticles and think about important things. (short period of time passes) Alright. You were saying? Lack of respect?” “Yes. We are not appreciated for our work! Insult to injury is when we browse the Obits and we don't see anything about our service, not one grateful word for our loyalty or sacrifice...” “Indeed, but isn’t this just par for the course? I mean, you ARE nothing but fodder to us, and most of you can’t even handle one bullet..." In unrelated news, a mass riot ensued at that exact moment in time and a mob chased me back to my office. I lost three pounds, learned to swear in gutteral French, and placed second in a marathon along the way. This reporter has come to the conclusion that if maybe if we gave our Bodyguards just an ounce of respect, they may decide to stop clowning around and rejoin us, to serve the purpose they were put on this earth for. Instead of just playing darts down their local boozer. (editorial note: Nelson Given rejoined the workforce shortly after his interview, but was found dead with a single bullet hole wound in his body. His funeral was attended by no one. The donations were supposed to go to charity. Tiny Tim didn't get the operation.) 'NEWS IN BRIEF ' NEWS BEIEF...MYSTERIOUS LA KILLINGS By: Kung_The_Gun The mysterious LA randomer has been caught. He has reported to have killed 35 people, columnist Kevin T. Gerret reports. A man turned him in to the vigilantes some time Sunday, but this man would like to remain unnamed. The killer was named and soon killed by the vigilantes. The man I am referring to is Loty. Loty was first blamed on research through the priest. A name was proven. After talking to Loty about the killings, "Bob" as I'll refer to him, turned him in with proof and was rewarded. Loty was hunted down and killed near downtown Los Angeles by a man that is also unnamed. Loty's excuse was that he was a conceptualist killer. He said he only randomed to make his gun better, but I myself proved that against him. Bob is a new vigilante for his work and is highly respected by all those who lost their parents to his aimless "one hit wonder gun" 'THE MEANS OF PROTECTION - USEFUL TIPS FOR A MAFIOSO ' By: SiricoIII Pt 1/2 Someone came to me recently for some help and I thought it would make for an interesting story for all you clowns out there. This guy was stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. He owed some money to some people he should not have borrowed from, and now he was running a little late on the payments and was risking the loss of a few important limbs. I've known this guy -- let's call him Giulio -- forever, and I know he's good for the money, but these other guys don't know that. What I did was have a sit-down with all of them to assure them he would pay up soon. They felt reassured by my presence and gave the guy a short extension. He paid up on time and I saved his kneecaps from some unwanted "tap dancing." I did this as a favour but normally, people charge to provide this kind of protection. *Everyone Needs Protection* At some point in your life, you will likely need some sort of protection. Most of you won't need the kind of protection that Giulio needed, but if you don't want to get eaten alive, you'd better have someone to watch your back. First, make sure to have a solid right-hand man. Once you have a solid backup guy, you have to work to make sure that those around you are watching your back, at least partially. What I'll do is explain the basic protection racket on the street; you can then use it in corporate life too -- it's just more "civilized..." (Part 2 can be read in the next issue of the Gazette) 'THE GOOD LIFE ' by Bunny Masterson You know how to tell you are living the good life? When you walk into a public place and people bend over backward for you. People ask me all the time what my secret is for getting the best service, every single time. To be honest, it's the walk. You have to walk into a place like you own it. Of course, having a great set of legs doesn't hurt either. Pemberton's. Don't let the exterior fool you. The windows are dingy, the gin is cheap (I'm not just talking price either), but the ambience can't be beat. If you know how to get in. Take the time to listen to the piano, enjoy the comfortable booths, and be sure to tell the doorman that The Devil sent you, and the first drink is free. Only in Atlanta. The devil sure do like it hot. 'CATCHING UP WITH MONEYBAGS ' By: Jackie_Giamatti Two days ago we were able to catch up with Denver’s self-proclaimed money magnet. LilRabbit the undisputed entrepreneur was able to spare us a few moments in his busy day to answer some of our questions in light of recent events. As most of you know, Denver was hit by the biggest heist in recorded history barely four weeks ago. Most of this money obtained was money generated by the LilRabbit’s ever expanding Casino Empire. LilRabbit agreed to meet us in one of his own rather lavish VIP retreats in Denver. LilRabbit led us to a secluded room out back in the lounge, propped up two stools and urged us to fire questions at him as he frequently looked down at his Diamond encrusted watch piece. LilRabbit was telling us how good business was of late, the money continued to flow freely in his grasps although admitting to us that he has in fact 'shifted' TWO of his Slot Businesses to an unnamed Citizen. Taking out various photographs from a wallet and laying them onto the table, LilRabbit scoffed and refused to acknowledge that these were pictures of himself and ANgryKitten sharing various events in one another’s company. When prompted to justify these meetings he brushed the issue aside and merely proclaimed it as 'business.' Business indeed...the alleged in this case is in fact ANgryKitten who had took up invitations from LilRabbit in acquiring a holding share in this lucrative business. When we approached her the day after this interview she side stepped any issue in relation to these reports and simply placed herself in a hypothetical situation at all times. When prompted for a reaction to the money lost at the hands of the Denver Bank Heist, LilRabbit merely laughed off the scoop, confirming it as simple 'loose change.' LilRabbit also entertained ideas of investing his money into friends and those who needed genuine help, just a reminder to our readers of this somewhat kind hearted plan! Unfortunately however, LilRabbit did confirm to us that he had no intention of letting anymore of his business come under the control of others and confirmed that he was in fact happy with the way things have been ticking over. This has in fact quenched various small rumours circulating that he may have in fact grown bored of his position in the Cities since technically he is untouchable both in position and wealth... LilRabbit appeared to grow more comfortable whilst chatting to us, when asked of the motive surrounding the seemingly ludicrous price on the head of the $1 Slots he simply smirked and replied 'You might be asking me why I have that $1 slot up for sale. Yeah, Probably if someone can afford it, why not, go ahead buy it and make my day.' Make it indeed...although certain people in society have questioned the money making abilities of this particular slot, MadDog’s ancestors for one, which have gone as far as saying it in fact records losses after putting the maintenance figures against it. When shown these figures LilRabbit grew slightly nervous and called an end to this meeting citing other business meetings that he was needed in later this afternoon. Having left LilRabbit to continue in his busy day, we proceeded to travel to Los Angeles to follow up our trails on ANgryKitten and her business dealings. Unfortunately however when getting as far as the large iron gates around her rather picturesque Mansion we were approached by what seemed to be 'heavies' which politely informed us that ANgryKitten was in fact bed stricken and would not be entertaining guests today. Undeterred by this brush off we were able to visibly see a figure of a female matching AngryKitten’s description entertaining a male in a rather large drawing room. Upon spotting us she immediately glared towards us and quickly and hastily drew the Purple Velvet drapes over. Was this in fact another associate that she was attempting to offload her business assets onto? We sat outside in an unmarked van for over three hours when finally it appeared that AngryKitten’s guest was in fact leaving. The Iron gates slowly parted and a Red and Yellow Van screeched down the driveway sporting the bumper sticker 'Hulkamania Brother!' on the driver’s door. Interesting indeed... 'A BRIEF LOOK INTO THE LIFE OF… ' By: PauloDinardoJr My First interview as a Gazette Employee, and I get to interview a friend and a New Made Man, and one that I feel is doing a great job. So here it is: A Brief Look Into The Life Of: Tarby Leader of The Midnight Society. I spoke with Tarby and firstly thanked him for being my first interviewee, and then went on to talk to him about his past, the background of the man sat in front of me, asking about past crews and leaders. His response joked of him being branded an urchin, as he went from “family to family hunting for idea and ideals and didn’t really stop travelling until I had a true idea of what I wanted for myself.” He then spoke of bosses that had an influence on him, and encouraged him into the business, “I feel that Boo Diggins was probably the best I’ve worked with although I’d give MoneyPenny credit for showing how a family can be fun and still constructive.” We spoke briefly about his times in these crews before the topic of his own came up. I asked him how he had managed to avoid the random attacks and also if he had found it challenging. ”It was hard work really”, was how he described his fight to the top, and then told me of how keeping good relations with people from every avenue was his secret to survival. “I’ve always tried to maintain cordiality with all of these people and at times try and unite them.” After telling of this secret he joked with me that perhaps this was all wrong, and luck was on his side. We both shared our views on luck and skill before addressing his crew name (The Midnight Society) and its members. Tarby told me that he had a number of respected members of the community working for him, but then stated, “I like the rest of them need to be judged on the actions of now and not of the past, I’ve welcomed several of them to the my part of the family but its not about reputations its about what they bring to the table now.” He was a man who was prepared to own up to his past, and also his members past, and asks that they be given another chance, something commendable in a boss. The topic of second chances led us to a discussion about the state of the mafia world today, and whether or not this was due to the number of made men. He started his views on this topic with a quote he had recently, “Any man can stand adversity but give a man power, that’s when you can truly judge him.” He then went on to say that he does believe there are too many made men, but until they have been given time to do something productive, in his words, “who am I to judge them?”. We left behind the gloomy topic of Random attacks and the number of Mades, before I asked him a question many would be interested in. Do you have personal goals to achieve now, or does the crew come first? He looked at me smiling before answering this question; taking his time he then answered, “My main goal at the second is to help the progress of The Midnight Society”. He then spoke about why this is his goal, stating that its to try and improve this community through showing new men the ropes, from within a safe environment, which will also lead to progression of his family. After Talking with Tarby, I spoke with another Made Man within The Midnight Society, Shi-Tzu-Powow, about his feeling on his leader. Shi Laughed cracking jokes about Tarby before settling down and being serious with me. He told me of how he believes Tarby to be a great man as well as a great leader and finished with this, “Well Paulo, Tarby is the type of guy you just can't dislike. He's too fluffy and loveable to hate ;). He's a great leader, and he runs his crew well. He obviously knows what he's doing! He's muh hero.” Next issue another made man will inform us of his troubles of getting to where he is as a Leader of one of the most notorious crime families. Paulo Dinardo Jr 'PRIZE PUZZLE ' By: Jack_Delaney Each week the Gazette will be publishing a prize puzzle to get your little brain cells buzzing. The first person to give the correct answer to Jack_Delaney will receive the princely sum of $5000 and a complimentary drink at Pemberton’s bar in Atlanta. If you’re really lucky I might even go to the added expense of sticking an olive in it or something. So… This week’s puzzle. All you have to do is tell me what row of numbers comes next? 1 11 21 1211 111221 312211 13112221 'PICASSO’S PROFILING ' Ever wondered what people think of you? Want to know what the professionals think of your name and face? Would you like an accurate and unbiased view of how you portray yourself to the world? If the answer to any of these questions is “Yes” then you need Picasso’s Profiling, exclusive here at the Gazette. Just send your name in to Picasso who will choose a small selection of people each week to have their names and faces reviewed here in the pages of the Gazette, and each week, one lucky person will win the Picasso Star Profile of the Week award, and as well as being able to claim the title, will win $5,000. Get writing in to be in with a chance of winning these exciting prizes, or just to have an Exclusive Picasso Profile Rating. 'THE REAL WORD ON THE STREET ' Gossip Column by: Ivanna Gossip Are you tired of the old man in the streets giving you useless, outdated or outright wrong information? If so, this is the place to be for the latest gossip from the mafia community. Take it from a woman that knows her gossip. She says, "The word on the street is... Sexy_Zadie isn’t all that sexy. She says, "The word on the street is... Alpha_Rider was seen walking. She says, "The word on the street is... Mad_Dog isn’t really mad, he’s just a little grumpy. She says, "The word on the street is... Cicero was seen talking to himself. She says, "The word on the street is... MoneyPenny is worth a heck of a lot more 'HE SAID/SHE SAID ' An exciting new weekly feature that will bring our advice columnists together to answer one desperate plea for help in the only way they know how..... ....yeah, we don't know how either. But we're guessing it's going to be pretty darn spectacular (since their wages depend on it). Each week, we'll be going through the mailbag and pulling one letter to be scrutinized, laughed at, mocked, and quite possibly not even answered. The author will have his name in lights, 15 whole minutes of Gazette fame, and a $5000 prize to the person who pens the letter featured in this column each and every week. What happens when you mix one female, one male, and no actual psychiatric degree? He Said/She Said. Here in the Mafia Gazette, every Tuesday. Letters should be sent to Bunny_Masterson, c/o Mafia Gazette offices. Submissions accepted no later than Sunday for following week eligibility. 'UNCLE HUSKY SAYS ' by husky I thought I'd take the time to introduce myself to you all. I am Husky and I am the new advice columnist for the Mafia Gazette. I've been around the block a few times and I've picked up some tips, and I'm happy to depart my wisdom. With our community being riddled with random muggings and senseless killings, not to mention enemies being made amongst the families, there are a number of issues that need to be addressed. Heads that need to be smacked. Egos that need to be busted. You want some straight talk and honest advice? Contact me, Uncle Husky, and I'll tell it how it is. 'MONEYPENNY’S MAILBAG ' Life today raises SO many questions, but where are the answers? Do YOU have a burning issue that you simply cannot resolve alone? Fear not! I am here to help in all areas of your life be it fashion, cookery, corpse disposal, child-rearing, weaponry, love-life, make-up tips, medical conditions, or general lifestyle queries... Since nobody has written in yet, here are a few queries from friends of mine - names cunningly disguised to protect the less-than-innocent: Dear MP, I have been asked to be bridesmaid at a dear friends wedding next month. Whilst not a big church wedding, it will be still be a formal occasion. Should I wear a full-length dress, or opt for something more casual - a nice twin-set, or skirt and pretty blouse? Dad_Mog PS. Any tips for catching the bouquet? MP replies: Dear 'Dad_Mog', Seeing as you are both male AND canine I would suggest something simple - a nice studded collar, perhaps have your fleas/ticks removed for the big day. As for the bouquet, I hear you are a master at catching frisbees, so a bouquet should pose no challenge. Dear Anyone, dot dot dot daash daaaaash daaaash dot dot dot DieTomiII xxx MP replies: Dear 'Die', Stop tapping the pipes - Nobody outside of St.MZs can hear you. If you would like some advice, answers to life’s burning questions, a few words of encouragement, or public mockery, please send your letter direct to Ms. MoneyPenny, c/o The Gazette Offices. 'GYPSY DELANEY’S HOROSCOPES ' Aries (21 Mar – 19 Apr): With Mother’s Day fast approaching it’s time to start thinking about how much your Ma has sacrificed to bring you up over the years. Show her how much you care and buy her a new dish mop or some lovely vacuum cleaner bags then sit back and watch her face light up. Taurus (20 Apr – 20 May): .22, .38, .45. It’s time to stop lying about your age and admit that you’re past it. Stop the denial and get yourself down to the store to buy a nasal hair trimmer, TODAY. You’re fooling no-one you old wrinkly you. Lucky Mother’s Day present: Anti wrinkle cream. Gemini (21 May – 21 Jun): Let your fun side come out this week by hosting a little impromptu magic show for some of the more deprived kids in your neighbourhood. Just remember to stick to the rabbit in the hat routine and make some colourful balloon animals. Under NO circumstances include the knitting needle through the tongue in your repertoire. Cancer (22 Jun – 22 Jul): In all my years as a professional astrologer I have never seen such a fortuitous alignment of planets as this week. On Monday at 3:23pm I urge you to place all your savings on a horse called “Pedigree Chum”, he won’t disappoint. Of course, I must point out that astrology isn’t a science so don’t blame me if it all goes pear-shaped. Leo (23 Jul – 22 Aug): Venus is in transit to the local supermarket on Wednesday, which makes it a great day to shop around for those buy one get one free offers. Lucky Mother’s Day present: Corn plasters. Virgo (23 Aug – 22 Sept): Give yourself up you bad Virgo you! We all know you stole that stash of pills from St MoneyZebs on Tuesday, but we also know they’re actually just candy. Hell, we don’t want the crazies dosed up and wandering the streets do we!? Best to make sure the stay demented and holed up in MoneyZebs where we can keep an eye on them. Hand yourself in NOW! Before you commit this heinous deed! Libra (23 Sept – 22 Oct): Mars is in conjunction with the Milky Way this week, which means that our Galaxy will be bombarded with cosmic influences. This will not cause earth shattering tornados or anything but you may experience an over-riding desire to gorge yourself on chocolate. Lucky Mothers Day present: Sensible pants. Scorpio (23 Oct – 21 Nov): Aerobics, Pilates and ballet may well be good exercise and keep you supple but if you must take part please, please, please ditch the leggings. A guy with your podgy physique just doesn’t suit Lycra. Sagittarius (22 Nov – 21 Dec): It’s official folks! Curly Wurly’s WERE bigger when you were ten. It’s not because your hands were a lot smaller back then at all. Personally, I think Crème Eggs have shrunk over the years as well but I’d have to check my facts on that one first. Capricorn (22 Dec – 19 Jan): Don’t for one minute think that a quick trip to the local pet shop on Saturday will solve your dilemma when you run over your neighbours dog. Just be the badass Mafioso that you are, knock on their door and present them with the bill for your dented bumper. They’ll be so mad at you, they’ll completely forget to mourn the dog. In time they’ll even forget they ever had a dog. Aquarius (20 Jan – 18 Feb): This week you will fall into the trap of Carmela fluttering her eyelids at you provocatively and will consent to writing a weekly horoscope column. Honestly! You’re so gullible! Pisces (19 Feb – 20 Mar): Thursday is not a good day for feisty Pisceans to be out in the rain trimming the lawn. The wet grass will just form clumps and clog up the rotor on your mower. Better to wait until it brightens up on Saturday, that way you’ll get a better result with much less hassle. What other astrologer gives both weather predictions and DIY advice? No one…That’s who. 'OBITUARYS FOR MARCH 5TH AND 6TH: ' *AGhostlyApparitionI: A loved individual who touched the lives of anyone he came across. VeraVendetta, O my god! who did this? *falls down on her knees infront of the coffin and breaks down in tears* Cristalla, awww RIP hate to see this. *JoeyBambino: Honourable and trustworthy, many people believed in him. Kaiser_Sose, RIP, You were a good friend Vitos__Angel, RIP Jimmy *lays white roses* *AntonioCastiglione: A respected man taken after a rough night in jail. MissingLink, RIP Sir :( Death_Vally, RIP *Tre: He will be missed by those that worked for him and those he knew. Totally, Guitarded, RIP you didn't deserve to go that way. Iwanna2, RIP 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to TheStreetLawyer at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Pemberton's in downtown Atlanta is now hiring competent and professional bar staff for its busy, thriving bar. Applicant should be willing to cover during the absence of the owner and provide a level of service that is second to none making Pemberton's Atlanta's top drinking establishment. If you think you are outgoing, a good conversationalist, and creative and above all, reliable, contact Jack Delaney in person at Pemberton's in Atlanta. Postal applications will not be accepted. 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Presenting the undertaker services of Funerals R Us. For a small price will arrange your funeral arrangements and when you die you will get the passing that you hoped for. 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 02:54, February 15, 2013 (UTC) Visit the Atlanta Pet Shop based in Atlanta; we sell a wide variety of animals at low prices. Contact Totally-Guitarded for details. 'BACK PAGE SPORTS ' By: Mad_Dog The sixth annual Maryland Handicap was run yesterday in Laurel, Maryland. It was the wildest finish of any horse race anyone had seen in a long time. Temperature was a cold twelve degrees. The one and a quarter mile track was dry as the horses were loaded in the gate. The grandstands were packed and stood at attention while a lone trumpeter played Maryland, My Maryland. Race time was set at 5:29 pm The favourites in the race were Vertical Gypsy, ridden by Puck and Angry Kid, with Bakura aboard. All the jockeys in this race weighed in at 126 pounds. Anticipation swept the spectators as the gun sounded and the horses were off. PeeWee Rose took the lead coming out the gate but faltered quickly, while Silver Angel set the pace. The time at the quarter mile post was 40.4 seconds. By the three quarter mile marker Angel was out the race. The top four bunched together with Peppermint Hitman a 15-1 long shot in first. Vertical Gypsy was in second trailing by a nose. Hitman and Gypsy battled neck and neck through the final turn and into the backstretch. Rogue Warrior applying to whip to Hitman to get the best from the magnificent beast. It was Gypsy by a neck then Hitman as they headed home. Inches separated the horse. Side by side they thundered toward the finish line. Gypsy stumbles. It looks as if Hitman bumped her. Regaining her stride Gypsy powers on as Hitman wins the race by a length. The unofficial results are Peppermint Hitman, Vertical Gypsy, and Angry Kid. Time of the race was 2 minutes seven and three quarter seconds. Immediately after the race, Puck filed a complaint alleging Hitman fouled his horse. The results were put on hold as the track stewards pondered the allegations. After several minutes of discussion, the appeal was upheld and Peppermint Hitman was dropped to fourth and Gypsy was given the victory. The official results of the race were 1st Vertical Gypsy, 2nd, Angry Kid and 3rd at 7-1 odd, Cool Star with Vera Vendetta as the jockey. It was a race that won’t be forgotten for a long time.